it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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