Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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