Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
