Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
