I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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