After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
