Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
