Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
