I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
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I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
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I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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