Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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