So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Four minutes until I can fart!
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
