You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
even my farts smell like vagina
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
