Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
