We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I just found a bag of teeth...
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Found the puke drawer
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
