i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
