I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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