im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
