The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
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I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
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My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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