I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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