well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Randomize
