i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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