Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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