I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
