I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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