Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
