we made out on top of his cat.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
