Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
birth control should be required to get into college
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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