I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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