Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
