You're so nebulous sometimes
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
