hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
