I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
