There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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