lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Randomize
