i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
