It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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