Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize