I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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