jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
