addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
