meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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