thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just invented taco cereal.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
