Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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