How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize