Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
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I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
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Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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