alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
