His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I love having hate sex.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
