You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
foreskin is a definite game changer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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