Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
