He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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