All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Text me some of your sweat
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
