it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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