You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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