We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
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