This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
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