WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
