She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
It's just like the Real World with babies
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My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
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I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize