i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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