So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."