Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
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My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
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Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??