either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Dude, where are you?
... whose car?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?