Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.