you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.