dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
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That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
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Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?