I want to stick my p in your. b.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life