how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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