You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
