i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
