I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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