she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
We don't watch enough power rangers
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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