shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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