rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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