Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
We had sex on a dog bed..
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
