You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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